To continue on from my last post, here is a little glimpse into an attempt of mine to reason out and process attraction is and what it does to me.
Stage one: Instant feeling.
I tend to be a ‘follow your gut’ girl and usually trust my intuition especially when it comes to new people. Whether you realise or not we all immediately have an instant emotional response to someone, to something new. An instinct and split second inexplicable reaction. It is this opinion, an opinion you may never even realize you form that is the most impactful, most subconsciously influencing. It is instinctual and natural, you may read this and think, ‘I don’t want to do that, we need to give people a chance’, which is true, first interaction can be influenced by many factors and isn’t always reflective of someones true and relaxed self. None the less it cannot be denied that fundamentally who we are shines true no matter the situation, our reactions alone to various scenarios speak volumes in and of themselves. We react, its human nature and when it comes to meeting people we react very uniquely dependent upon the person, the situation and as cliché as it might sound, when it comes to romance or the hope there for, the spark and instant chemistry is assessed and holds substantial weight in following stages. We can also conversely react out of an instinct to protect, to shield ourselves if we feel this interaction may not be in our best intersect or if we feel as though something is ‘off’. Beginnings are black and white, its is ultimately a yes or no, as unromantic as that may sound but first impressions and that instant feeling quickly decides for us, attraction begins with yes or no, to continue and pursue or not to. I do think this can be a painful aspect to attraction, the not seeing eye to eye, potentially unrequited attraction. Not all of us are attracted to people who will or can reciprocate our affection. Attraction can also enlighten at this stage, it can begin strong and sure but as it progresses through the following stages serve to teach us that what we may have initially thought of as definite is not always so or so important. What attracted us initially may not be the factor to keep our attention.
Stage two: Spoken contact.
This point tells a lot, how well your humours match, your minds, the way you think and the things you think about. This is the beginnings of discovering compatibility and whether regardless of having anything in common discovering if you can captivate each other. Communication and feeling the urge to know more, to discover and delve into the mind of someone else, their motivations, inspirations, outlooks and fascinations. For me speaking to someone and hearing someone speak passionately and express excited interest in something, sharing and opening up personally is definitely a core part to attraction and being attracted. It is the most exposed part of beginning a connection, it is a risk, a vulnerable step in hopes to gain something without compare.
Stage three: Time.
Here I don’t even mean time in an expansive way although that is very telling too. Here I mean in initial contact when attraction is being determined, how you perceive time, how time eludes or slows is a definite marker. There is almost a greedy emotion that accompanies attraction, a want and a need for more. A pull toward someone you are attached to and edging closer all the time, building and seeking more. A feeling of not enough and a clinging to time and the moments that are and hope for more to come.
Stage four: Confirmation.
Again this is a non-quantifiable experience; it is an emotional and individual step. Some people experience this stage clearly, cut and dry definitively. Others barely register its occurrence or for some it may be a very slow realisation, a creeping feeling that takes nurturing before that point of confirmation is achieved. Confirmation is the turning point though. Previous stages have combined to lead to this. It’s a feeling, a sense, a move towards or away. It is the acknowledgment or awakening stage of attraction. This is when your become conscious of the situation. Prior to this has been ‘what ifs’ or maybe this or that. Now you have come to a realisation and the reality of attraction is clear before you.
Finally: The unknown.
There is no way to conclude this other than to say that attraction is but the start. Sometimes it can lead to relationships, sometimes to love, sometimes to friendship. Occasionally it forges a bond that lasts a lifetime. Other times it throws you at someone for but a brief flicker in time but that flash is so fierce it changes you; it lingers with you and influences yet ultimately rests as but a memory. Some attractions are good others simply a response. Not all work out well or for the best but none the less it is human nature to be attracted, to feel attractive, to attract and to be attracted to. Regardless of outcome attraction leaves its influence each and every time.
Attraction is kinetic; it is active and fundamentally emotional. When we begin to learn the dance of attraction and start out this adventure as innocent, energetic balls of youth, it can feel like a game of cat and mouse. A tormenting battle of give and take; an experience that knots you and twists your sense of self and reality. We can become lost in the idea, fantasy, be carried away on childish ideal of what attraction means and is. With time this evolves, thankfully and through the trials of age and experience we make mistakes in different ways to our younger counterparts but none the less continue to with each new step receive a little more of the riddle that is human natures need for companionship, the real root of attraction. Attraction evolves but that feeling of pins and needles, anxious anticipation never changes and should/ does act as the most basic indicator of attraction, a jolt that wakes you, clears your vision and shows there to be someone before you, waiting to journey with you on an adventure of as yet undetermined length, destination or outcome.
More and more I look at the experience of attraction as a thrilling, intoxicating feeling. Even if to never be acted upon it is elating to feel a connection, to not be able to explain its reason or reality but to find a bond with someone else. Some bonds develop others fade but again here we are carrying on, one interaction, one journey, one path at a time. Growing and shaping the history and destiny of who we are and where will are going with each breath, each hello and each goodbye.