I had this thought recently, as I sat and pondered what it was I felt for this one particular person. I had a thought of ‘what is attraction really?’ and more specifically what does it mean to me. In what ways do I find myself drawn to another, what is it that entices?
I think people are misled to believe that attraction is pure physical appeal. I acknowledge that some genuinely believe this to be the driving force behind attraction but personally I think this I purely just accepted as fact and not deeply felt. It is so much easier to rely on physicality to be a compass guiding attraction, the marker to base decisions on rather that to force a deeper questioning of ‘am I attracted to this person?’ and that big, scary, revealing question that is……‘why?’. If we each were to spend two minutes asking this of ourselves and with someone in particular in mind, we would not be bombarded by thoughts of broad shoulders or a strong jawline (superficial examples of my own, insert personal preference for tailored reflection). These features would I’m sure flicker across our minds but I challenge you to deny that there is something beyond this, an element to attraction that follow the initial visual.
When I really sat down and made myself think, brought a specific person to mind and focused on what it was that captivated me, made them stand out from others and truly attracted me to them, the conclusions I came to were simple. It was the person, a feeling of connection, a sense of fitting together and being matched. Being made to smile, that shy feeling of wanting to be liked back but not being at the point of knowing yet just why, being vulnerable and smiling like someone incapable of not; a lightness, a giddiness that comes over you when you are with someone you feel uneasy but comfortable with. That to me is attraction. It is a total jumble of emotions, thoughts and sensations that can both be seen and are unfathomable.
The superficial is always acknowledged and I won’t dismiss it as having no value because it surely does but its impact dissipates. It does not play the massively contributing role in attraction we all assume it does. It plays a role certainly but not a deciding one. Attraction is varied from person to person, is impacted by situation, timing, stages in life and places, it is influenced by others as well as those involved and it is not always an indicator of a fairy-tale. It can be a doomed heartache (realistically this outcome will touch us all at some point), it can be a flash, no more than a hot encounter, a longing or it can be a loss. It can be everything and all at once and it can also slip away as quickly as it arose. It is an inevitable gamble, that often spoken of leap of faith.
Attraction, for me is inevitably multitier. I know I’m a fall heavy and fast type of person but I can also hold back a lot of myself, I can be guarded but simultaneously quick to love. The ultimate contradiction and a proven recipe for trouble but this is presently the way I am, a constant work in progress, I’ll admit to that. This results in there being several stages to attraction for me. Attraction in my eyes is both rapid and a journey. Unquestionably nerve wrecking, intimidating and exciting. It is the possibility of the unknown, that painful enticement to risk and chance reward. The allure of connection.
Stay tuned as I try to record the steps my complicated and over thinking self goes through in the instant of initial attraction.