I do enjoy how a seemingly innocent day can begin full of calmness and possibilities then so quickly you almost don’t even notice be transformed into a panic laden, intensely stressful afternoon leading naturally to a pensive and confused evening. Now I sit as it approaches night contemplating on the rapid and emotional journey of my day.
I awoke early this morning, possibly instinctively spurred into action my some foresight of the day ahead. I started the day completing all the boring usual’s, breakfast, make-up, jumping on the bed to try and fully wake up and feel human after too short a nights sleep. I then moved to the very much 21st century ritual of the morning, the checking of the e-mails. There in all its foreboding glory was an e-mail from one of the lecturers in my university. This in itself was suspicious considering he is not one of my lecturers, none the less I anxiously opened the message.
A meeting was scheduled for 11am with a company coming to the college to give a presentation and indication of students they were willing to interview for certain job positions they may have available and further education apprenticeships. It was as I read the e-mail I began to feel the tension build and solidify in me. Today, in two hours time I had to be on campus, ready. What was it I was getting ready for? There were so few details what could I do? You would think perhaps research the company, prepare, think through what I would say to these representatives. You would be wrong, I instead did none of the above. I will admit when stressed I tend to procrastinate and avoid dwelling on the thing that is causing the stress for me.
I therefore left my apartment in search of distraction. What could I really do anyway. There was no mention of what was in store for the day and so little time to do anything other than add to the already building sense of anxiety I felt so I choose to proceed as normal and take what came when the time arrived.
This in hindsight may not have been the correct course of action. The presentation was excellent, informative, exciting, at its conclusion however it was announced that beginning 10minutes from that point interviews would commence. I it was declared was to be an interviewee and some what shell-shocked by this proclamation I left the presentation. A quick tea break was needed in an attempt to calm my nerves, it did prove however to be devastatingly unsuccessful. Swiftly following this a brisk jog took me to the venue and then I sat, legs crossed, pulse elevated and waited my turn. My turn at what I wasn’t sure but none the less I sat, time passed and I waited, googled some French to mix into conversation and waited.
This is the critical element to the whole situation. The interviewer was herself French and the job/degree I was interviewing for was based in France and through French. In applying it was clearly stated that French would be thought and beginning it was not expected of me to have a high proficiency, this however did not seem to be the case. In a genuinely laughable attempt I bouldered through a sentence or two desperately trying to pull any recollection of French from the dusty corner, the very small corner of my mind where it has hibernated since last it was active some 4 years ago.
Needless to say my very French interviewer gave nothing away and I was left with an overly enthusiastic imagination to ponder the outcome of the whole event. It is all a whirlwind of jumbled languages, unexpected questions, agreements and compromises, deep deliberations regarding the future and dare I say meaning of life itself when I reflect upon the interview. I jest, seriously it was a very intense interview and to be honest the outcome will no doubt be poor. I do look at it however as an invaluable experience, a situation I was thrown into with no warning and I think all considering I handled it as best I could.
I left shaking, adrenaline coursing, mind swirling and trying to reflect, ultimately feeling confused. I never really leave situations like that totally in control, there is always a feeling of ‘wait….what just happened?’. It is now done, all there can be now is even more waiting, always more waiting. The attempt was made, if nothing else I was myself and I spoke honestly so what will be and all that jazz. Now onto the next application and so forth and so forth. There are too few hours in the day but surely during one of the miniscule number I do have, in a moment of productivity all will come together and my life will just be settled, well and complete. One of these days, right? Any day now, until then I guess it is chin up, continue laughing and cherish this mad mess of a life I lead. I really wouldn’t have it any other way. The passion and most exciting, insanely inexplicable moments always come from utter chaos. I welcome it all.